Woman to Woman

If you are a woman who has spent your life imaging what it would be like to have a child, then you know how devastating it can be to be told you can not. There is a huge grieving process. Then if you are a woman who has been told that there is no chance to conceive and you go through that grief process and find out surprise your pregnant you go through a whole different realm of emotions, denial, anger, sadness, anxiety and happiness.

I went through the roller coaster of emotions. I have a wonderful little boy. After you have the first child people begin to ask when you will have the next. I would laugh it off with comments like, I am not a machine, children are not potato chips you can have just one. I didn't want to push my luck and try for another child. The thought was always there. We had many conversations about it. We felt one more would make our family complete. So we tried. We failed. We miscarried. We tried. I faced a mountain of emotions-grief, embarrassment, uselessness, hopelessness.

Every woman in my family is like a fertility factory. The get pregnant the first time they try. They get pregnant with out trying. I have watched my friends get pregnant with their second, third, fourth....Now my sister in law is pregnant. It is hard to be happy for her and not feel bitter.

With all the technology that allow for communication infertility is still one topic most women do not want to discuss. It is still a closed door policy. My husband does not wish to discuss it in public or in private. I would love to end this post with a happy ending. That I am pregnant, but I am not. I am just trying to focus on the blessings I have. I have been truly blessed with my family.-