But officer I have to pee

Well this morning officer "too big for his pants" pulls me over for driving 72 mph in a 60 mph zone. He asks me why I am in a hurry. I explain to him that I have to pee. He looks at me and says, "Maybe you should have thought about that before you left your house." I explained to him that I am 34 weeks pregnant. He asks me if I have a medical note documenting my condition. Trying not to lose my cool, I reply " I guess I could carry in my glove box the nice little stick I urinated on in the hospital." Mr. charming did not find that comment amusing. He came back with a ticket. He then informed that I should purchase a seat belt extender. I wonder if he uses this himself.

Later tonight I have a dinner engagement with MILDEW. It is also going to be 98 degrees today. If this does not send me into labor, then I don't know what will.

Life as I know it

The husband and I went to visit a new OBGYN. Purposely I did not share with the doc that we did not want to know the gender of the baby. I wanted to know, the husband wanted to wait until delivery. My uterus equals my business. The doc announced that he saw a penis. Immediately the husband and the doc exchange high fives. They begin cheering over my half naked body. The husband immediately picks up his cell phone to call everyone. I am still lying on the table trying to absorb the fact that life as I know it has changed. I will be responsible for a little man. I will be out numbered. It will forever be two to one. As the doctor leaves I wipe the goo off my belly, and my husband heads out to the nurses station. He begins to announce "It's a boy" to everyone who can hear him. I was waiting for the marching band and parade music to begin.

The Blessing Within

Here I am. The winner of the life lottery. Sitting in the Emergency Room clueless as to why I have been sick for three days. The husband leaves to go to the "best sandwich shop" while I sit and wait in limbo for test results. Nurse scissor hands comes in with nurse ratchet to announce with glee that I do not have a rare disease. She says, "Honey your pregnant." She states this like she is welcoming me to the secret club. In total disbelief I debate the fact. Hm mm, basic biology. Frantic call is placed to the husband. Husband argues that he has been in line for 45 minutes and he is now next. Bursting into tears I explain he needs to hurry back to the ER. Husband arrives and I tell him to sit down. Taking a deep breath I announce "We're Pregnant." Calm and collected the husband says," Cool can I go get my sandwich?" Stunned I try to remember just when I became the owner of the winning ticket.